Facing the New Year
New Year’s Day.
I think this has been the hardest day to face yet.
A brand new year has begun. Without my momma in it.
It’s harder than her birthday. Harder than Mother’s Day. Harder than any holiday. Harder than I realized it would be. So, it caught me unaware and unprepared.
I have been sick in bed with a fever the last two days. So, there is that.
And . . . Clara Robinson has not been found yet, so my emotions are all over the place. There has been no shortage of tears as 2024 came to a close.
And then, there is the day itself. New Year’s Day. It was on this day, in 2018, that Nicki had an appointment with eternity. If explanations for the fire were ever found, they weren’t shared with me. So, for all the promise and goals and plans that a brand new year brings in, there are always questions in my mind casting a shadow across my heart.
Esther was born on New Year 2016.
She’s our miracle marker. Momma’s miracle.
It should have been that New Year without my momma. There should have been a funeral before 2015 came to a close.
#ButGod
Oh my heart is heavy today. I miss my momma. I can’t stop crying about this missing girl. I wish I knew what really happened to Nicki. And did I mention? I am so sick. My pastor called 2025 “The year of increase.” I believe him.
It is an absolute truth that great sorrow, a heavy burden, a seemingly impossible trial usually precedes a blessing. God works. He never stops. Elder Epley often shares a quote when he reflects on Sis Epley:
With Much Love Comes Much Grief
These words are so true.
My pastor also said to leave 2024 in the past and step into the future God has planned for us. So I thank God again for the 8 extra years he gave my momma to me. I know he did that. I am ever so grateful for it.
And I will put Nicki, and Momma, and even little Clara in the capable hands of Jesus.
